I haven’t written anything here in over a month, but recently I have been motivated to get back to it.  One thing that has gotten me through the past few weeks has been reading the blogs of people who are struggling to recover from problems similar to mine, so I feel that writing my own thoughts will help me - and, perhaps, someone else, should they someone find themselves here - work through these complex disorders.  

My main reason for not writing has been my intense changes in self perception.  I rarely write when I am depressed, so most of my writings happen when I feel incredibly good about myself.  At these times I believe I have something to contribute and am a valid human being.  However, writing forces me to get out of my head and create something that could potentially be read by other people.  This leads to harsh self criticism as I believe any thought that leaves my head will be perceived as invalid.  I then get angry at myself that I would even think to consider myself valid.  The only way to stop this process is to stop writing altogether.  

But I can’t live in my head forever.  My posts may not be consistent.  I may read over them and feel anger towards myself.  I may jump from one topic to another and get overwhelmed with the complexity of my thoughts.  But doing something is better than doing nothing.  Writing is better than not writing.  

So I guess I’ll write.