The keys feel strange to my left hand because of my newly-forming calluses.  I’m particularly proud of tough skin forming on my index finger.  I was happy with the progress I made on viola today in tone and intonation until it all feel away when i was told my constant practicing was annoying someone.  And when I loose my only healthy coping mechanism, all hell breaks loose.  

But right now these calluses are holding me together, and I’ll work on them more tomorrow.  I can’t wait to develop vibrato.  That will be such a proud moment in my life.

I like playing the viola.  It gives me something to do for 2-7 hours a day and makes me excited about music again.  I’m thinking about intonation right now, not the fact that a few hours ago, I got too anxious to go outside, convinced myself that I am incapable of experiencing joy, spent 45 minutes trying to image what it would feel like to be dead, and binged for the first time since last January (although it was most likely [hopefully] another one of those “if you don’t eat as much as you can right now your body is going to shut down” sort of things).  I need to work on building strength and independence in my third finger.  I can focus my mind on that for a while.