January 2012
4 posts
“If you are a tulip, don’t try to be a rose; find or plant a tulip garden....”
– Marsha Linehan
Nominative vs. Accusative
This morning on the train it occurred to me: I am not my disorders. Although at times it seems that I have been totally consumed by eating disordered and self destructive thoughts, they do not define me. From now on, I will no longer say “I am anorexic” or “I am borderline,” and instead say “I have anorexic” or “I have borderline personality...
The thing with feathers
Hope is the only thing I’m holding on to right now. Hope that there is someone out there who can help me, and hope that I’ll find that person. Most of the time I see my situation as hopeless and I want to give up. But right now, I’m allowing myself to believe that I will connect with the right person. I don’t believe it completely, but even acknowledging that things...
Going to try blogging again.
I haven’t written anything here in over a month, but recently I have been motivated to get back to it. One thing that has gotten me through the past few weeks has been reading the blogs of people who are struggling to recover from problems similar to mine, so I feel that writing my own thoughts will help me - and, perhaps, someone else, should they someone find themselves here - work...
December 2011
8 posts
Clueless classical musician seeks normal friends
Look for an interesting and intelligent non-musician to befriend. What do normal people think about, talk about, and do? Please show me.
(craigslist, here I come!)
Haiku!
I must figure out
how I can keep the bow straight
and keep my wrist loose.
The keys feel strange to my left hand because of my newly-forming calluses. I’m particularly proud of tough skin forming on my index finger. I was happy with the progress I made on viola today in tone and intonation until it all feel away when i was told my constant practicing was annoying someone. And when I loose my only healthy coping mechanism, all hell breaks loose.
But right now...
I don't want to need to feel like someone else in...
He told me I need to learn that life isn’t so bad.
That’s what I’d like to do.
So until someone with a degree answers the phone
I will allow myself to do nothing
and have no obligations
with nothing to gain
and nothing to loose
in a world that may or may not
be so bad.
November 2011
2 posts
“…the rain / Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh / Upon the glass...”
–
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
1st Grade: recorder class.
2nd - 4th Grade: recorder class, piano lessons, piano chamber camp.
4th - 6th Grade: piano lessons, flute lessons, specialized middle school for the arts, piano ensemble, youth orchestras, pre-college summer programs for flute at Manhattan School of Music, [tragedy, repression], …singing?
7th - 8th Grade: all of the above, voice lessons.
High School: top...